Alternative Names For Everyday Things And Objects That Just Seem Like A Better Fit

We sure you remember going to the zoo as a child to marvel at all the fascinating creatures like the beautiful curvy unicorns, silly duck puppies, and mysterious prison cows? We know you’re undoubtedly curious about what we’re discussing here and probably thinking that we are under the influence of something. Well, you know what they say, the truth is stranger than fiction! You’ve probably seen all these creatures before, but you simply weren’t aware of their alternative names. You can thank the internet for this. The Twitter handle, @correctnames, is delightfully rebranding creatures and everyday items with much more appropriate titles, and we’ve compiled a few of the funniest ones we could find! Forget what you learned in school, and continue reading to discover out what they really should be called on a daily basis!

Snowman blood

What in tarnation? Snowman blood? What kind of a dark fantasy level of words is this? Do you remember when Voldemort in Harry Potter had to drink Unicorn blood to keep his longevity in the Philosopher’s stone? Could it be something like that?

Well, it makes sense that snowman blood should be transparent like water. Seeing that snowmen are made out of snow and all. Referring to water as snowman blood needs an advanced level of puns and dad jokes combined with being well-executed and relevant.

Squad

Well, the former collective noun for a group of squids was shoal or school. But people all over the world, which included academics as well as general fans of wildlife, petitioned the name should be changed to something more suitable.

What is the next best suitable word, you might ask? Well, it is “squad.” It does sound quite apt if you ask us. A squad of squid! Not only does it roll off the tongue so well, but it actually sounds like a cool band if you structure it like a “squid squad.”

Duck puppy

Is this about a duck puppy, or are we telling a puppy to hide away from something? We are sure it’s about some sort of organism out there. We were having a bit of fun with the wordplay here. And we find this next want to be quite suitable!

He really does look innocent like a puppy! Duck puppy here refers to a platypus. Are you familiar with Perry the Platypus? Yeah, that kind. But when you have a long hard look at it, one thing becomes quite clear. This name makes it look much cuter!

Panda fish

Panda fish. A panda might be able to swim, but can a panda fish? We guess we’ll never know until we see! But we’re just thinking out loud. And we are getting a kick out of these wordplay shenanigans!

So in this context, a panda fish refers to a killer whale or an orca. Actually, it’s not a fish. It’s not even a whale. Orcas are related to dolphins, so they are essentially intelligent mammals. Because of their size, they were given the name “whale.” But now, we can’t unsee the panda!

Sea flap flap

This next alternative name sounds like a command a baby would give, doesn’t it? It’s like their way of locating something that swims in the sea by flapping their arms like wings. Actually, a sea flap flap refers to an amazing and majestic sea creature.

Remember Steve Irwin? The charismatic crocodile hunter? He was stung by a manta ray. Yeah, sea flap flap refers to the manta ray here. We see how it fits, considering the way they just glide through the ocean like they are flapping their wings.

Mountain fountain

Shouldn’t it be fountain mountain? Hey, we’re just suggesting here. We are totally on board with the whole mountain fountain thing. It’s just a small pet peeve to make sure that word combinations live up to their full potential!

There are approximately 1350 potentially active volcanoes all around the world right now. That’s a lot of mountain fountains spewing out hot magma and toxic gases from the bowels of the earth. However, this alternative name dims their terrifying capabilities.

Prison pony

Back then, inmates donned black and white stripes, which represented lateral prison bars in contrast to perpendicular prison bars, giving inmates an impression that they could not get free. That’s the story behind those old-timey prison uniforms. We learn something new every day, right!

That would mean that a zebra is an anti-prison pony because the stripes are vertical, not horizontal like they should be. Also, zebras are black with white stripes. Not white with black stripes. The stripes are a camouflage tactic, trust us!

T-rex deer

Every single 90’s kid who watched Jurassic Park when it came out in 1993 was instantly captivated by it. We mean, what kid wouldn’t like dinosaurs? They are just awesome! Yes, they are deadly at close quarters, but awesome nonetheless.

The main star of the movie was the T-Rex. Now, as most of you probably already know, the T-Rex has surprisingly tiny hands compared to its massive body. This is why it draws a comparison between the Kangaroo so closely. We don’t know why we never thought of this before!

Bagel seeds

Bagels are a type of bread that originated in Poland’s Jewish communities. They are usually shaped by hand in the form of a circle without a center. They are a favorite in all parts of the world and are delicious as an early morning treat!

They are cooked in water before they are baked, which is what gives them their characteristic chewy nature. That’s also what makes them irresistible. So, calling these cereal bagel seeds is just so on point. They literally look exactly like mini bagels!

Cereal sauce

This next one sounds so posh and fancy, doesn’t it? Cereal sauce. Only the freshest cereal sauce, sourced from the products offered by the finest milk horses…Wait? Milk horses? Don’t worry. You’ll know what a milk horse is soon enough.

So, we are told that this sauce pairs really well with bagel seeds. If that gets your gears cranking, well, that’s what we want because we are actually talking about milk! What a pompous name to call it – cereal sauce. It really ups the value, though.

Curvy unicorn

Unicorns happen to be one of the most famous mythological animals in existence. Actually, they’re so popular that they are the national animal of Scotland! Now sit back and think on that for a moment. A mythological national animal. Awesome!

Well, at the rate they are being hunted, these curvy unicorns or rhinoceros will also be extinct and be remembered in stories and books only. Because of the demand for their horns, they are unfortunately poached mercilessly. Maybe if they were named “curvy unicorns,” people would be less likely to hunt them!

Fart squirrel

It is a common misconception that washing yourself in tomato juice can erase or minimize skunk stench. While soaking in tomato juice may remove most of the active compounds that cause the stench, this does nothing to change or mitigate the stench chemically.

So, don’t go swimming in tomato juice if a skunk sprays you. Or, in this case, a fart squirrel. Since it sprays a stinking liquid rather than a gas, we don’t think the fart part applies here. However, the squirrel part makes sense.

Trash panda

Now, this we remember. This is the name that Peter Quill, aka Star-Lord, used on Rocket Raccoon. You know, in the movie Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2, when they were on Ego’s planet? Man, that interaction was hilarious.

Well, if you break it down into two major parts, the name fits. ‘Trash’ because the raccoons can seamlessly adapt to any urban environment. And ‘pandas because of their grey, black, and white color combination. Actually, raccoons and red pandas are visually similar.

Wizard cow

Wizard cow. Well, why that name? Let us break it down so you would understand. They chose the word ‘wizard’ because they have long wispy beards. Remember Gandalf the Grey, aka Mithrandir from the Lord of the Rings series? Yeah, we mean a beard like that.

Also, they can navigate rugged terrain like climbing up a steep mountain. Their sure-footedness in braving the impossible Rockies earns them the moniker, Wizard. It’s crazy how nature works sometimes. It never fails to amaze us, that’s for sure.

Beach chicken

Don’t be ‘gull-ible’ around beach chickens. They can and will take your fries right out of your hand with no shame. It’s a fact. They are masters when it comes to diving down and snatching snacks out of the hands of unsuspecting people. Be warned!

But we do hope you all saw the pun,’gull-ible!’ Get it? Because beach chickens are actually gulls? Well, we think it is clever on our behalf, thank you very much. But the warning is true, though. Don’t get too friendly with these beach chickens because they will take advantage of you!

Dogtor

A “dogtor” is a vet who exclusively treats dogs. It’s a portmanteau of the words dog and doctor. A very clever term if you ask us, but the problem here is this; vets specialize in all types of domestic animals, not just cute doggos!

Some specialize in farm animals if you remember James Herriot’s books. If you have read books by David Taylor, you would know that some specialize in exotic animals. But specializing in just one species seems like a stretch, in our opinion.

Hairy nope nope

Of all the alternative names for animals we have seen here so far, this seems the most suitable. Of course, there are many legitimate cases of arachnophobia or fear of spiders all throughout the world. This nope nope is actually a tarantula, hence the hairy appearance.

Hairy nope nopes or spiders, in general, aren’t all baddies. Some offer us invaluable help when it comes to controlling the pest population. Also, the hairs on their body are used to sense the outside world, like the whiskers on a cat.

Bread moisturizer

Moisturizing is a crucial part of any skincare routine. The more you care about and suitably moisturize your skin, the healthier it looks. It can also lead to the impression that you’re aging backward, like Paul Rudd. He must use a moisturizer every day.

But what in tarnation is a bread moisturizer? Or also known as a toast lotion? Oh, wait. These are just fancy names for butter! Plain old, delicious butter. We were under the impression that this was a new line of products by Sephora.

Slow-motion gorilla

Many of us are aware that gorillas can reach a fantastic speed when they want to. When they are under threat or are chasing down prey, they are known to reach speeds of up to 20 to 25 mph. Compared with their size, that is just insane!

So, what’s with the slow-motion? Are they under the influence of something? Apparently, a slow-motion gorilla is what you call a sloth. Sloths are are some of the slowest animals out there. They love lethargy so much, and if you ever see one in real life, you won’t have to worry about them chasing you!

Street chicken

Whatever the official title may be, these birds aren’t exactly liked. Some people are calling them street chickens, while others call them flying rats. They dwell in metropolitan cities and feed off of the crumbs on the ground. They also love to congregate in huge groups.

They run after food when it’s tossed towards them, then disperse whenever humans or animals approach. What are we talking about here, if you haven’t already figured it out? Well, we are talking about pigeons, silly. That lady in Home Alone 2 loves them!

Danger zebra

Danger zebra sounds like a pro wrestling name or a name used by a stunt performer. When we say it over and over again, we are reminded of an individual with a nasty temperament who is looking for trouble. We know not to get close to these!

Actually, the term is related to a White Tiger. Their numbers and population have dwindled so much from even a decade ago, and they are now found only in parts of the Indian subcontinent, the Indochinese Peninsula, Sumatra, and the Russian Far East.

Bird leaf

Bird leaves sound like they are from a plant called the bird tree. There are no such species of tree called a bird tree, by the way. However, in Australia, there is a species of tree called the Blackbutt Tree, which is also nicknamed the bird tree.

So a leaf from that specific blackbutt tree can be called a bird leaf. But we are thinking too much here, apparently. A bird leaf is another name for a feather from a bird. We just can’t help but go off on tangents sometimes!

Boatercycle

If you have the chance to experience a ‘boatercycle,’ take advantage of it. These really are thrilling water gadgets that can reach speeds of up to 65 miles per hour. Everyone can get a kick out of these. Therefore, the entire family can race on top of the water with these bad boys.

The wealthy and successful love the boatercycle, so you’ll regularly see stars posed on one for an Instagram post. Of all the suggestions, boatercycle happens to be one of the best, and we would love to see it become a thing one day!

Formal chicken

They do look like they are donning custom-made suits. Their gait suggests that they have important business functions to attend to. They do sound the part as well, in a sense. All in all, they are super adorable.

You might be wondering what we are talking about. We are talking about penguins. O,r as the Chinese call them, business goose. Hey, that sounds more in line than formal chicken, apart from the fact that they don’t have long necks like geese.

Horse tornado

For the kids that do not enjoy amusement park rides, this horse tornado seems to be a fascinating fairground ride. One can perch on any of the horses as they whirl around while playing a dreamy fairground melody. Anybody under the age of five will be ecstatic about it.

Not Frank Castle, though. If you have watched Jon Bernthal’s tenure as the titular marvel antihero, you’d know that his family was taken away from him during a visit to a horse tornado or a carousel, if we are to use the correct name.

Space bulb

The night sky is littered with space bulbs. We have one which lights up our world every day, roughly 93 million miles away from us. There are trillions upon trillions of space bulbs scattered throughout the void that is the universe. Amazing.

Yes, you might have guessed it as of now, as this bulb we are referring to is nothing but the sun. It provides us with warmth, energy, and vitamin D, and because of it, plants produce food and oxygen.

Raw toast

Certain things in this world taste amazing raw, while other things need to be cooked properly. Most vegetables and fruits can be consumed raw, provided that they are washed properly before consumption. Fish can also be consumed raw with a little preparation.

That’s basically what sushi is. But meat items, especially pork and chicken, need to be cooked very well; otherwise, you’re asking for trouble. But what about raw toast? Well, raw toast is just plain bread! There is no need to panic!

2-D bowl

Since it solely retains solid foods, the 2D dish is distinctive. It is not suitable for soups or any other fluids, as is the case with a conventional bowl. Trust us when we say that placing soups in a 2D dish is a bad idea.

We’re not going to repeat the same mistake. But, if you are familiar with the fables by Aesop, you would remember that a fox and a stork were friends, and the fox managed to put the soup on the plate to mess with the stork.

House Lego

Since they are large enough to be seen, with the exception of traditional Legos, one will not inadvertently tread on something like a home Lego and injure the feet. They can be used for a variety of things, including fortifications and walkways.

Also, in addition to developing dwellings, they can be used in gardens or to create beautiful pathways. Many people also use them to paint eye-catching murals, such as the side of a brick building. They are super useful for many projects!

Land cloud

Land cloud? We were under the impression that there needed to be an altitude limit for the formation of clouds. Even low-level clouds have a formation limit of a few feet above ground level. What in the world could this be?

Sheep. That’s it. A land cloud is a sheep. We feel quite punked from this revelation. Well, technically, they do look like small wisps of clouds tottering along the ground. In that context, well, it slightly does make sense.

Reverse boat

It’s Saturday night, and the air is getting hot, as Whigfield would say, and now you have nothing planned, so you choose to spend a little time resting in the reverse boat. Cover the reverse boat in foam and fragrant scents, and you’re practically at the spa!

That’ll make it even more of a personal experience. Because after a long tiring day, even the mention of such a thing can make us feel really relaxed. Reverse boats or bathtubs, as they are more commonly called, are somewhat of a luxury.

Floppy sea spider

This next one is ‘floppy’ because of its extreme flexibility and a ‘sea spider’ because it has eight tentacles. Actually, six are tentacles as two happen to be octopus’ genitalia, which leaves us asking many questions about the design of Squidward Tentacles. Maybe we’ll leave it at that.

All in all, octopuses, or floppy sea spiders as they are called here, are highly intelligent creatures. They are extreme body extortionists and can fit their bodies into a small bottle. Plus, they have been classified as sentient beings recently.

Human shelf

That sounds too ominous, like something out of a body horror movie! Imagine a shelf made out of human bones. Kind of like the structures you can see in the Parisian catacombs. Is this what is implied here? If so, we’ll pass!

Actually no! In this context, a human shelf is what you would call a sofa because a human would sit there. We feel ashamed that we couldn’t sort it out sooner. Anyway, a comfy couch is one of the things we search for after a hard day’s work.

Floor hands

What would we be doing if we didn’t have floor hands? We wouldn’t be doing that well, that’s for sure. These really are necessary for transportation. There are also some artificial floor hands, thanks to technological advancements. Without looking, can you guess what we’re referring to?

Lego locators or humanoid wheels are other names for floor hands. You can also throw hands with floor hands. That would be called kicking. We’re obviously talking about feet all this time. We’re pretty sure Quentin Tarantino would find this pretty interesting.

Naked Piano

A harp is a stringed instrument featuring separate strands which extend at such an inclination towards the soundboard and are played with the fingertips. Harps can indeed be built and performed in a range of methods, including sitting upright or standing.

They are commonly used in symphonies and performances. Plus, the magical sound put forth by a harp, in this case, a naked piano is quite ethereal. That is why the harp tunes are used to denote paradise and heaven themes.

Stretched leopard

Giraffes are large African mammals that belong to the genus Giraffa. It is a type of ungulate with an even number of toes. It is also the world’s tallest surviving land mammal as well as the world’s largest ruminant.

The giraffe is distinguished by its exceptionally long neck and limbs and its horn-like ossicones with patterned skin markings. It was actually called the ‘camelopard’ because it looked like a combination of a camel and a leopard, with a long neck and beautiful spots.

Trip advisor

Who do you call whenever you’re hurt, and it’s somebody else’s mistake? Don’t say ghostbusters even though the temptation is strong. Believe us, we know.  You must consult a trip advisor. No, we’re not referring to the travel website and planner.

Trip advisors can assist you in obtaining compensation for damages that have been inflicted by somebody else. Or, if you are still rightfully confused about all this, we are referring to injury lawyers as trip advisors. Funny, and what a trip, right?

Turtle rabbit

The nine-banded armadillo, commonly called the common long-nosed armadillo, is a mammal that may be discovered throughout Northern, Central, and Latin America and is currently the most widely distributed of such armadillos. Its title, “Novemcinctus,” alludes to the nine moveable rings.

You will see them in the center section of the carapace or shell. The term armadillo comes from a Hispanic term that describes it as “small armored one.” But in a way, turtle rabbits also play out. It’s a ‘turtle’ because of the shell and a ‘rabbit’ because of the ears.

Swam-into-a-wall-too-fast Shark

The family Sphyrnidae includes hammerhead sharks, which are distinguished for the odd but unique shape of their head, that are squashed and horizontally expanded into a “hammer” shape known as a cephalofoil. Sensory input, maneuvering, and target manipulation have already been proposed as activities.

Concerning the cephalofoil, they are not mutually incompatible. It provides enhanced binocular sight and spatial awareness to the shark. The question we have is this; If this shark swam into a wall too fast, would this be the shape of its head?

Human bin

There is one bed in this world that the user never sees and the buyer never uses. Nope. We are not talking about any of these designer beds or those eye-catching options from the fall collection of IKEA. Keep guessing.

We are talking about a coffin. The only ones who use the coffin are the dead. So, they don’t actually see it. The one who is buying the coffin doesn’t need it because they are not dead. Pretty clever wording, is it not?

Chocolate panda

Bears are members of the Ursidae family of animals. They may range in size from four feet in length and 60 pounds (the sun bear) to eight feet in length and over a half a ton (the polar bear). They possess curly tails, nonretractable claws, as well as a keen sense of smell.

With the exception of moms nursing cubs, they’re usually alone. There seem to be eight different types of them. Bears may live up to twenty-five years in the wilderness and 50 years in confinement on average. However, the name “chocolate panda” does not do the intimidating creature justice!