Closet Catastrophes: 35+ Fashion Trends That Deserve A Style Funeral

By Farah J January 10, 2024

This article was originally published on befashionly

Step into the time machine and journey back to the early 2000s, a time when sagging pants made a lasting impression on fashion—a trend that seemed to defy the natural order of clothing. Picture this: jeans locked in an eternal struggle, desperately refusing to embrace their designated spot around the waist. But hey, you’re not alone in recalling those tragic images.

In a world where people boldly embrace trends that come and go, like yesterday’s kale smoothie fad, some of these creativities that are about to be revealed to you are simultaneously trying to stay low and high at the same time, giving clothes a crisis of purpose and pedestrians a view they certainly didn’t ask for!

You know what we’re talking about, from the questionable to the downright absurd. So, please join us on this semi-friendly fashion roast you didn’t know you needed—but trust us, it’s haute hilarity!

Clickety clackety 

We are going to break the silence; it’s time. Long fake plastic nails that extend over an inch beyond sanity send shivers down our spines. How do folks manage daily life tasks? Eating using phones, bathroom stuff, everything becomes a witchy finger dance!

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And the disturbing thought of doing chores with those clickety-clackity noisemakers! Forget about picking things from the floor—it’s a nail-biting (pun intended) mystery how anyone manages with these hand appendages that could embarrass Edward Scissorhands himself. We hope nobody accidentally plucks their eyeballs out!

Sharpie sharpened

Behold the perilous journey into the world of Sharpie-sculpted brows! Those arches of doom, drawn with what seems like razor-sharp markers, are an alarming trend. It’s a brow-raising mystery why some folks opt for a look that screams, “Sharpie sharpened my brows!”

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The thin, eerie shape is like a cryptic message that even hieroglyphics experts can’t decipher. It’s time to step in for the sake of eyebrows and bid adieu to this trend before we all start looking like living, breathing exclamation points! 

Sag swag

The sagging pants saga—a trend that defies both gravity and common decency! With trousers dangling dangerously below butt level, it’s like a censored show revealing way more than we bargained for. The unintentional peek-a-boo with boxers is an unsolicited sight nobody signed up for!

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It’s a walk on the wild side, but seriously, how do you even navigate the world with pants auditioning for a spot on your knees? It’s a fashion faux pas that leaves us wondering if there’s a secret handbook for the sagging stroll we missed.

Embrace the lashes

Do you recognize the lash-layer cake catastrophe? Fake lashes, not in moderation, but in a wild assembly that embarrasses Tarantula’s leg count. The eyes are protesting their hidden existence behind (fake) hairy excess. To onlookers, it’s less a fluttery gaze and more a creepy-crawly creature takeover. 

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Forget batting those lashes—it’s more like unleashing an arachnid dance party! The horror of lashes so dense, even mascara needs its own untangling brush to comb its way through the tangled wilderness. It’s time to set those eyes free from the captivity of the lash jungle!

Ripped rags

Ah, the “holey” grail of questionable denim decisions! Jeans resembling a battle-worn map, revealing more legs than a summer day at the beach. It’s a fashion statement that screams, “I can’t decide between wearing jeans and shorts.” And adding fishnet underneath? Another no. 

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It’s like trying to fix a sinking ship with a paper umbrella! Instead of chic, it’s a confusing concoction of grunge and a hugely failed attempt at fashion rescue. Note to self: rags are for cleaning, not for flaunting on the runway of life!

Beige or skin?

The beige betrayal is real! The fashion trend that plays peek-a-boo with our sanity! Beige leggings and matching tops, a duo so close to the skin tone it’s a camouflage problem. A split-second panic ensues, mistaking a beige-clad individual for a nude wanderer. 

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It’s a case: “Did I forget to put my glasses on, or did they forget their clothes?” Beige, darling, let’s reserve your talents for the winter layers and spare us these naked truth scares in broad daylight, especially in workplaces!

Summer wear or winter?

Cropped sweaters—a Scooby Doo mystery that still needs to be solved – but it’s fashion! It’s a head-scratcher, really! If it’s hot, we skip the sweater, and if it’s chilly, we’d rather not expose our midriff to frostbite. They’re the Goldilocks of outerwear—never just right. 

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Can we just agree to let our sweaters live their full, unchopped lives? After all, in the world of clothing, it’s not about length; it’s about warmth without the midriff breeze! It’s an unnecessary layer, honestly, if you ask us. 

Sockless

The sockless suit saga continues because nothing says “business casual,” like perplexed onlookers and potential foot-sweat catastrophes! Bare ankles peeking out is a fashion choice that raises more questions than eyebrows. Forget the chic factor; it’s more like a rendezvous with confusion. 

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And the unspoken concern—what about feet sweat? It’s like wearing a tuxedo to a beach party; it might sound cool in theory, but the execution leaves us scratching our heads and reaching for the antiperspirant. Socks, gentlemen, give you both style and foot hygiene!

Over overlining 

For those who are overly enthusiastic about applying lipstick on your lips, we have a gentle reminder for you: Overlining lips like a Bratz doll on a caffeine binge might seem like a shortcut to glamor, but the result is more Joker than Jewel. 

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Honestly, subtlety is your best accessory. Let’s save the exaggerated drama for the movies, not the makeup routine, shall we? The only clowns we need are in the circus, not in our makeup mirrors! Consider this a request from your Cupid’s bow. 

Razor sharp

Let’s make this clear once and for all. The super-clean cut look, sharp enough to mortify a protractor’s precision, leaves us wondering if grooming took a detour into geometry class. It’s not edgy; it’s like a hairline math equation we didn’t ask for. 

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Razor-sharp edges may work in geometry, but on faces, it’s more confusing than cool. Next time, let’s shake our hands on leaving the hypotenuse calculations to Pythagoras and embrace the natural fuzz—less math, more scruff! If not for us, do it for you.

Chunkily damaging

Let’s be real with this chunky mess of fashion – an ugly stepchild in the world of footwear! Those misshapen soles seem determined to bring chronic bodily damage and bad taste simultaneously! It’s a deliberate assault on aesthetics and, possibly, podiatry. 

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The price tag feels like paying a premium for a visual insult, and the lasting damage might not be just to your wallet. Is the fashion industry secretly trying to create a society of wobbly walkers? Walk a mile in those shoes? We’d rather not.

Slicked up

Remember the eyebrow-slicked uprising? A trend that takes the phrase “raised eyebrows” a bit too literally! Brushing those brows northward feels like a failed attempt to create a mad scientist cosplay saying, “I just got electrified due to my secret chemical experimentation!” 

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The poor natural brow flow takes a backseat as hairs get ready to rock and roll. Let’s bid farewell to the slicked-up fashion and aim for a style that’s less “up, up, and away” and more “just right, thank you! Your eyebrows will be great.

In the name of mullets

Ah, the modern mullet—a hairstyle that’s more raccoon rendezvous than ’80s chic. Attempting the mullet without a skilled hand is like playing hair roulette. It’s not a business up front, a party in the back; it’s more like a critter convention atop your head. 

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Get the mullet wrong, and you’re not making a fashion statement; you’re sparking a wildlife watch. Proceed with caution, or your hair might be the reason people are doing double-takes, both confused and concerned, wondering what went wrong up there!

Winter in summer

Welcome to the absolute confusion-filled summer beanie saga—the headwear equivalent of ordering hot cocoa in July! Tees and shorts vibe with summer, but toss in a beanie, and it’s a sartorial odd couple. It’s a head-scratcher in more ways than one!

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Not to mention those long beanies that look like the ghost of winter past, waiting for another head to grow into that extra space, please, save the beanies for cozy winters and give our heads a breather in the scorching summer heat!

Holey

Holey moly! Let’s give a quiet shout-out to the shoulder sneak peek trend that turns shirts into a disaster of unnecessary holes! It’s the “shoulder windows’ ‘ dilemma—because nothing says fashion confusion like a shirt caught in the crossfire between style and structural integrity. 

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If your shoulders crave the spotlight, there’s an entire category of off-shoulder tops waiting for their moment! These shoulder peepholes are more like accidentally creating wearable Swiss cheese. How about we close the curtain on this one and never go back?

Midrise with mid-tee

Ah, the midriff mystery—where mid-rise jeans and snug crop tops team up for a (failed) fashion standoff! Frankly, it’s a tale of super questionable fashion choices, a battle between high and low. These crop tops on midrises are like an awkward handshake—neither here nor there. 

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Call it a tummy tug-of-war, leaving us wondering if the jeans are trying to high-five the top or just lost their way. Calling fashion inventors: let’s try to sync the rise and the crop for a harmonious costume, not a fashion seesaw!

Fake orange tan

Ah, the weird orange-brown glow, which surprisingly entered the tan-tastic trending fashion list, leaves us wondering if we missed the “Oompa Loompa Chic” memo! In the UK, where clouds are practically national mascots, embracing your natural hue is considered a crime. 

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The tanning craze, a pursuit of the sun-kissed dream, is a mystery wrapped in a spray tan bottle. Complaining about being too pale? It’s like criticizing a cloud for being too fluffy. Let’s celebrate the skin we’re born in and avoid turning into accidental orange popsicles!

Skin tight onesie

Let’s have a one-on-one about the bodysuit “adult onesie” blunder – a fashion fiasco where singlets and camel toes collide in a tragic tango! Skintight onesie bodysuits, the eerie, awkward fashion, leave little to the imagination and a lot to cringe about.

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Wearing them in beige? No! It’s like wrapping yourself in an invisibility cloak, except only your clothes disappear! These suits might be a snug fit, but the verdict is unanimous: not a flattering silhouette on anyone, and a beige one is definitely a no-go!

Rocking crocs

This is where comfort clashes with fashion on the streets! They may be cozy, but styling Crocs with intention feels like a fashion dump. Matching them to outfits? If you were to ask us, we think it’s a commitment to quirky that’s hard to applaud. 

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Crocs in public are like wearing a fashion shrug—it’s comfy, but do we really need to announce it to the world? Maybe they’re the Cinderella shoes for a comfort-centric ball, but outside the home, they’re a debatable choice in the fashion lineup!

Shroomed

The mushroom haircut is a follicular fashion tragedy that speaks louder than words! It’s the hairdo that haunts our style nightmares, leaving us questioning the sanity behind a cap-shaped catastrophe. There is no need for a lengthy explanation; it is the unsolved mystery of the salon world.

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Is it a haircut or an unintentional homage to fungi? One thing’s for sure—it’s a head-turner, but not in the way anyone desires. Let’s say goodbye to the mushroom cut and let it retire to the bad haircut hall of fame!

Little gnomes

Talk about living in Fantasy Land! It is a trend that turns faces into a garden of misguided whimsy! Those strategically placed spots and fake over-blushed noses seem like a nod to a gnome-themed cosplay, but not the magical kind! 

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Frankly, this red look is less woodland sprite and more face-dip in red powder. Dear trendsetters: Gnomes are adorable in gardens, not so much on faces. Let’s save our faces and embrace their natural charm; no fake freckles and fantasies are required!

Laminated brows

Let’s dive into the brow beast transformation trend – eyebrow lamination, where werewolves get a run for their fur at full speed! People paying to unleash their inner supernatural creature, all in the name of grooming trends, is the hairy mystery we can’t solve.

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These creepily slicked, laminated brows leave us wondering what goes on in the trendsetters’ heads when they come up with such absurd, cringe-worthy facial “grooming” trends. How about we save the lamination for paper, not facial or body hair? Glad we agree!

Denim the menace

Ah, the long denim skirt fashion trend that leaves us scratching our heads and wondering if fashion took a detour through a time warp! They’re the so-called “trendy” enigma that’s less flattering, more “denim drape.” Call it a denim towel wrapped around the waist!

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Or maybe a denim curtain with a questionable sense of style! We’re all for nostalgia, but let’s not resurrect fashion disasters from the past. The long denim skirt trying to be chic but leaving us feeling more puzzled than trendy. Next!

Acid washed

The acid-washed mom-jean revival is a blast from the fashion past that’s less nostalgia and more denim déjà vu! We rocked those bad boys in the ’80s and ’90s, but like exes, some things are best left in the past. 

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The acid-washed comeback has us wondering if the ’80s denim apocalypse is upon us. Fashion time travelers, those jeans might’ve been rad once, but resurrecting them is like unearthing a style fossil. Let’s stick to the memories, not the acid-washed wardrobe reruns!

In the middle

The middle part is mayhem, a follicular choice, really, that is not “I woke up like this” but “I woke up and decided to start a crazy hair day!” Not every face can don the middle part with grace; for some, it’s more like a flat bald-looking head.

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We are sorry, but frankly, the middle-part hairstyle feels equivalent to trying to parallel park a hairbrush—it just doesn’t work for everyone. Let’s give our locks the freedom to choose sides and leave the middle part of drama to the people who make it look effortlessly chic!

No Edgars

Edgar, buddy, what did we do to our heads? It’s like your hair’s on a solo mission to defy gravity and good taste simultaneously. The ridiculousness is so strong that it’s practically a crime to have hair. Thankfully, this trend is slowing down! 

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This Edgar haircut is a strange hair phenomenon that’s more of an eyesore than a trendsetter! Next time you get a haircut, reconsider the hair decisions and aim for a style that doesn’t leave us questioning the cosmic mysteries of fashion!

In the face of regrets

Enter the face tattoo fiasco—because nothing says “forever” like ink on your face! The colorful, impulsive decisions are like visible midlife crises. We can’t help but foresee a future filled with regret, where once-chic facial art transforms into a regrettable masterpiece. 

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It’s like putting bumper stickers on the Mona Lisa—bold, irreversible, and probably better left as a fleeting thought in the tattoo parlor chair. So, think twice before turning your face into a canvas. Tattoo regret is a facial expression we’d all like to avoid!

What’s the point?

Ah, the infamous pocket ruse—where fashion teases us with faux pockets and zippers that are about as functional as a chocolate teapot! Stitched “pockets” on blazers and jeans are like fashion’s cruel joke; we prefer storage over decorative illusion.

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Frankly, it’s the clothing equivalent of having a smartphone with no apps. Let’s stand for our rights against the tyranny of fake pockets and demand the real deal! Well, utility aside, that “fashion” isn’t even stylish. Who even came up with that?

Scrunched up

We call this the legging malfunction of the century: the creased-up butt crack calamity! It’s a fashion disaster that turns a body workout into a workout for your eyes. That scrunched-up, constipated butt outline is a visual SOS on display for everyone!

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It is like a yoga pose gone rogue, leaving onlookers torn between sympathy and confusion. Dear fashion designers: we’re all for flexibility, but nobody signed up for a contortion class every time we bend over! Let’s leave the butt creases to the laundry, not our fashion choices!

Witch’s horror

Step into the pointy peril of long fake nails—the accidents waiting to happen during everyday activities! We’re all just a rub of the eyes away from self-induced claw marks on the face. We wonder if those pointy “claws” will mistake your burger for prey. 

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It seems like a daily struggle, living on the edge, wondering if sporting the talons is a constant battle with the face. The drama unfolds a clash between fashion and practicality, leaving us tiptoeing around the pointy battlefield. Safety goggles, anyone?

Skin-stitched

This is a trend that’s like trying super hard to squeeze into the fashion equivalent of a sausage casing! Those too-tight pants seem to catch you in a never-ending “please don’t rip” chant. A leisure suit should scream chill vibes, not resemble a struggle to escape. 

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It’s a clothing crisis if you ask us, leaving us torn between offering a tailor’s card or a gentle reminder that fashion should let you breathe, not make you walk like a wooden stick. Loose and leisurely, gentlemen, let’s bring back the roomy swagger!

Big cop mustache

The cop-stache! A facial hair choice that’s more “arrest this fashion” than “serve and protect”! The mustache, once a symbol of swagger, now resembles a misguided tribute to a bygone era, honestly! If it isn’t already a crime, it should be.

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Why dudes are rolling with this look remains an enigma, but one thing’s clear: it’s a trend that needs a citation for crimes against good grooming. Officer, your mustache is under arrest for causing public distress! Spread peace, and make good choices!

Sliding in prison slides

Let’s slide down the plastic prison slipper pandemic where a footwear tragedy happened that’s equivalent to a lockdown on style! Those rubbery atrocities masquerading as shoes induce full-body shivers in our bodies, especially when paired with socks. They aren’t even easy to walk in!

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To be honest, it’s like walking on regret and imprisoning your feet in slippery rubber! We would like to send these back to the plastic prison chic because fashion should be a liberating experience, not a sentence served in styled torture!

Classless skinny

Let’s agree on one thing: the too-tight slacks are a fashion calamity that turns dress pants into a high-water comedy show! It’s the pants mutiny, where trousers seem to cut ties from ankles as if the dress slacks are moonlighting as capris! 

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Well, it seems like it’s time for a wardrobe intervention. Those tight fits are like a silent plea for liberation—free the ankles, release the calves! Let’s embrace pants that fit like a style symphony, not a comedy of errors with a questionable hemline encore.

Safety first

Okay, so are they clear glass frames or safety goggles? The eyewear trend that turns us into accidental safety inspectors! Those frames, more reminiscent of workshop goggles than fashion statements, leave us wondering if we missed the memo on the latest construction site chic. 

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Clear glasses, darling; we want to see the world through rose-tinted lenses, not through the safety glass aisle at the hardware store. Allow us to leave the protective eyewear to the pros and opt for frames that won’t trigger an unexpected inspection.

Even lower rise

The skirt saga—where the waistline descends to precarious levels, and the crop tops play peek-a-boo with decency! To be honest, this fashion combo feels like a high-stakes game of wardrobe Jenga. Skirts hanging low enough to join the hip-hop dance floor!

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Also, when paired with too-small crop tops that neglect the laws of torso coverage, it’s a game of hideous mismatch that leaves us anxiously eyeing potential wardrobe malfunctions. Please, trendsetters, let’s aim for a more decently balanced ensemble from now on!

Hot take on hoodies

The hoodie obsession of the tiny trendsetters defies both weather and logic, especially to us adults! Kids, why are you turning the school run into a summer sweat fest? Hoodies in scorching weather are like trying to turn the sidewalk into a sauna! 

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Are they secret superheroes in disguise, immune to heat? We’re all for expressing personal style, but maybe let’s save the cozy hoodies for a chilly day, not a summertime sizzle. Kids, you’re making the weather forecast question its accuracy!

Take it low

We find low-rise jeans a fashion choice that turns every day into an unintentional wardrobe malfunction! For those midsize and above, it’s a precarious game of muffin top roulette, a butt crack cameo waiting to happen. Sure, the super-long torso illusion sounds enticing, but at what cost? 

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The constant yank-and-tug dance isn’t very fashionable; it’s more like a daily denim tug-of-war. Let’s give our waists a break and leave the low-rise mayhem to the history books, where it belongs! Don’t worry, you’ll find something even better!

Half tee

The half-cut top trend because nothing says “I’m an adult,” like shopping for clothes that have embraced a midlife crisis! Target, we love you, but not everyone wants to channel their inner teen heartthrob. Some of us prefer covering our midriff!

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That is, without feeling like we accidentally shrunk our shirts in the wash! It’s the wardrobe version of a midlife crisis convertible, but we’d rather stick to full-length coverage and leave the half-cut drama to the growing teenagers! Some of us need full coverage!

In a flesh

Today, on the trendy flesh-toned shorts fiasco! A trend that leaves us wondering if the nudist colony got lost on the way to the beach! Their ‘almost naked’ illusion gone wrong, showing off bits and pieces that should stay backstage. 

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Skintight and flesh-toned? It’s like a personal anatomy lesson in public, making us all feel a bit too exposed. How about we keep our funny bits a little under covers; some things are better left to the imagination! These shorts aren’t doing either!

White-washed

Damn the fake white-wash folly! A trend with melanin behind the white mask! Complaining about being too brown? It’s like criticizing a sunset for being too colorful. The white-washing fad is a puzzling choice, turning natural beauty into an artistic rendition of questionable proportions. 

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It’s not just a tone-deaf trend; it’s a palette misstep. Embrace the skin you’re born with, and let’s leave the mock hue confusion to the paint aisle, not our precious complexions! Your brown beauty is unique and gorgeous! Be proud of it!

Veggie-head

Ah, the broccoli haircut blunder, which seems like a major veggie aisle catastrophe, don’t you think? It’s like someone decided to turn their head into a mobile produce section (unless cut very precisely!). Mushroom cuts, meet your cruciferous cousin—the broccoli ‘do. 

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Neither style nor salad-friendly, it’s a curly catastrophe that leaves us questioning whether the hairstylist represents a sous chef. If we were you, we would ask for a haircutter who has devoted his life to learning this very area of haircutting!

Freckles or not?

The fake freckle trend that has you painting polka dots on a masterpiece! From hiding them to suddenly wanting to sport imitation brown spots, it’s a freckle flip-flop that’s more confusing than adorable. When did freckles become an aesthetic in the fashion world?

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Those fake freckles, bless their artificially scattered souls, are like the unsolicited punctuation in a flawless sentence. Embracing natural beauty is the goal, not turning faces into a connect-the-dots adventure. Let’s celebrate the real beauty nature gifted us with!

Makeup madness

The makeup masterpiece went rogue when the trend of turning faces into a canvas went up! Excessive makeup, darling, it’s like trying to sign your name with a paint roller. We get it; facial features exist—no need to outline them like we’re preparing for an art exam. 

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A dash of mascara, a touch of lipstick, you know, classics that stand the test of time. But the Picasso-level detailing? It’s a makeup intervention waiting to happen. Let your natural features shine bright like a diamond as they are; no highlighting pen is required!