When Words Get Weird: Navigating The Spectrum Of Text Message Oddities

By Ayomitide F January 8, 2024

This article was originally published on funniesnow

It’s common for Millennials and Gen Z to prefer texting over making actual phone calls. Why? Well, calling someone can sometimes be a bit stressful. But here’s the kicker: texting isn’t always a walk in the park either. Anyone who’s tech-savvy, especially the younger generation, knows what we’re talking about. Messages can sometimes be difficult to decipher because you can’t hear the sender’s voice or see their facial expressions. Were they being serious or only pulling your leg? Sometimes, you get emojis that don’t make sense at all. Written words can make you laugh, cringe, or scratch your head in utter bewilderment. Many folks have the same shared experience that a Twitter page called “Texts With Threatening Auras” compiled user-submitted messages that left people in shambles. Let’s go through these wacky texts and see how much you can relate to them!

Go!

Oh, man, that text is a real head-scratcher, isn’t it? “Your vibes were off at Applebee’s.” You read it, and your brain immediately goes, “Wait, what?” First of all, Applebee’s – it’s not exactly the place where you expect vibes to be a topic of discussion. 

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

Come on, it’s more like a spot for casual dining. So, right off the bat, you’re left wondering, “What vibes are we even talking about here?” Disneyland would be a much more valid vibes gauge, but Applebees? Take it easy! 

Family Guy

Ouch, right? The first part of the text might hit you like a ton of bricks. Did your mom call someone a “fatass”? Who’s she talking about? And why did she send it to you by mistake? It’s like getting a front-row seat to a family drama you didn’t even know was happening.

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

Now, this one is straight out of Family Guy. So, you’re left there, staring at your phone, feeling a mix of shock, confusion, and maybe even a touch of hurt. Your heart might sink a little as you ponder who this message was about. Then it hits you: “Is she talking about me?”

Terminator

Now, this one is definitely a hit. This is exactly what happens when you miss the first drop, and you have to stick your head into the Walmart window – or customer service chat – every time. So much that the bot-chat thingy gets tired of you.

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

One thing we are hoping for is that this response came from a human and not a bot. Because it’s about to be Terminator: Judgement Day otherwise. In case you thought bots were all pleasant and stuff, this is what happens when they get fed up!

Fifty Shades Lighter 

Oh boy, let’s dig deeper into this hilariously awkward situation. So, there’s this kid who thought it’d be a brilliant idea to tell their dad that “BDSM” stood for “Burgers, drinks & salsa music.” Talk about some wiggle room type interpretation, right? 

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

And, of course, Dad, the social butterfly, invites friends for an overnight “BDSM” party. So, the kid’s father and his pals are all set for a night of food, drinks, and dancing. They’ve got the grill fired up and the margaritas flowing. It’s all good vibes until it makes it to the front pages.

Oh boy!

Now, that’s the kind of text that makes you double-take. It’s like a mix of relationship drama and mobile gaming all rolled into one quirky message. But here’s where things get even wilder: picture this kid, right? He’s trying to cope with the breakup, feeling all sorts of emotions. 

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

And the only thing he’s getting from his crush is game invites. Clash of Clans, of all things! It’s like, “Hey, I’m drowning in emotional turmoil here, and you’re tossing me into a virtual battlefield.” Now, that can get really sore.

The Hopping Spaghetti Monster

Ah, yes. You’re just minding your business, scrolling through your phone, and suddenly, a notification pops up. It’s from your dear ol’ mom, and you’re curious, so you tap it open. Lo and behold, it’s a YouTube video of a chubby frog enthusiastically devouring a plate of spaghetti. 

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

Right after that froggy feast, your mom sends a passive-aggressive follow-up text: “You watch now.” Maybe you had a hearty dinner the night before, or perhaps you’ve been raiding the fridge too many times lately. In essence, “Chill out, you Schifosa!”

Welcome!

Oh, grandpas and their texting skills – or should we say lack thereof? Who doesn’t gush over an adorable snapshot of the newest addition to the clan – a brand-new, squishy-cheeked great-grandchild? The norm would be a flood of heartwarming comments, those classic compliments.

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

You know, like about how cute the baby is, how they’ve got their eyes, nose, or whatever trait from someone in the family. But what does Grandpa do? He simply responds with “OK.” He might be thinking, “Oh, look at my great-grandchild. Well, I better play it cool.” Never change, Abuelo.

The Killing Joke

We all know who the fastest man alive is, don’t we? Yes, The Flash! Even though he is a fictional, spandex-wearing chatterbox, he’s still the king of speed, and we rarely see contenders. But you know what is always up for grabs? The funniest man alive!

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

You have to appreciate some practical jokes. Our guy here took his pal on a world tour to prove a point. Now, that is some savagery. Imagine being on the end of this quip and going all the way to a Comedy Club, thinking you scored a major deal. Ouch.

Poor You!

Ooof, Madone, it really is heating up in here. We have escaped the level of passive-aggressiveness because this is a whole other game. Once again, you’re in your room, minding your business, when suddenly, your phone buzzes with a text from your dear mom. “Cheeseburger in the mailbox,” it reads. 

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

You pause for a moment, utterly perplexed. Is this some new-age food delivery service you weren’t aware of? But wait, there’s more. Just when you think you’ve decoded the cheeseburger enigma, another text follows, and it simply says, “Bitch.” Whoa! Yeah, things used to be nice, but that was before inflation!

Need for Milfs

Whoa! Whoa! Where did this fly from?! First, who is this mysterious “MILF Hunter,” and what’s the deal with their relentless pursuit of hot moms? Our boy is decked out in some Indiana Jones-type outfit, fully equipped with binoculars, tracking devices, a map, and a compass.

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

Seems like the quest for hot moms might be one hell of a full-fledged adventure. But don’t take it from us. There is only one way to know, fellas. We have to follow the man, the myth, the legend himself: The Milf Hunter!

The Bureau

So, you’ve got this girl texting about her dog running away. Being the sweet soul you are, you offer a sympathetic “Sorry about that,” which is a nice gesture. But then, out of the blue, she hits you with the: “I still have a boyfriend.” Talk about a plot twist!

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

Now, this is where it gets savage – like, next-level savage. “And I still have my dog.” Boom! Mic drop. But just before your comeback hits, your FBI agent throws himself into your corner. “Do it, bro!” they say. Standard operating procedure!

A real one

So your boss hits you up with that classic “We’re short-staffed” message. Now, instead of immediately jumping in with a polite “I’ll try to help,” you just channel your most laid-back inner savagery. It’s like you’ve handed them a life jacket while you float away on your life raft, sipping on a margarita.

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

Your “Oh, that’s wild, best of luck though!” response is the ultimate way of saying, “Nope, not happening.” It’s a subtle, nonchalant mic drop moment where you tell them implicitly, “I’m out, but good luck holding down the fort without me.” What a savage! 

Holly Molly

Big props to this guy for shooting his shot, you know. Sometimes, it just doesn’t stick. It is nothing to be ashamed of, really. And from the looks of it, he might have done nothing wrong except share a picture.

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

She really got him on this one. We would love to make a quip out of this, but we just feel sorry for the dude. Anyways, four dollars a pound. Sooner or later, he’ll get over it and be out here with the rest of us. This will just be one of many scars.

It’s happening!

Well, folks, hold onto your ponchos because we’ve got a public safety alert that’s straight out of a sci-fi comedy. So, it’s Thanksgiving, you’re carving the turkey, and your phone buzzes with this. If that’s not a coded message from outer space, we don’t know what is.

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

We’ve got symbols, letters, and characters that look like they’re from an alien script. Or maybe NASA is leaking alien languages, and this is our extraterrestrial buddies trying to say, “Hey, Earthlings, we’re coming for some Thanksgiving turkey!” Maybe they like tasty cranberry sauce and decided to crash the party.

Thriller

He’s back! And your lucky self has been chosen to fund Maxrel Jaxon’s comeback tour. Big honor if you ask us. Plus, it comes with all sorts of quirks: yes, those priceless autographs. They are hard to come by these days.

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

Let’s ignore that this screams “SCAM!” in neon letters. It could be a big payday, buddy. You find a couple of folks who badly want The King of Pop’s autographs. Once you gather 10 people and charge them $100 each, give this guy his $600 and hold your $400 profit. Easy A!

Wrong Person!

So there you are, tapping away on your phone, and you unleash this message. Yikes, right? You must’ve had some serious business, or at least that’s what your keyboard thought. But, oops! You didn’t send that text to your intended target. 

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

Nope, you sent it to the wrong person. Classic move; we’ve all been there, right? But the guy on the receiving end is not one to take cryptic messages lightly. Instead of rolling with it or ignoring it, he returns with a vengeance. He wants answers, and he wants them now!

What?! 

Does anyone have some unsee juice? Imagine being knee-deep in your workday, huddled over your desk, trying to make sense of spreadsheets, or tackling that ever-growing to-do list. You’re probably contemplating your lunch options, thinking of a nice, peaceful meal to break up the monotony.

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

 And then, your phone buzzes out of nowhere, and you get this! The good old work pranks. But how would you know? The number says “Unknown.” You can’t help but chuckle because whatever their plan was, it worked. Don’t even get us started on that picture.

Door Dash

When you thought it couldn’t get any weirder, you stumble upon this utterly baffling text conversation thanks to a DoorDash order. Obviously, you’re just trying to get your cheese fix, possibly planning a delightful cheeseburger evening, and suddenly, you land here.

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

“Out of cheese, what food.” What does that even mean?! Are they out of cheese for every dish on the menu? Or are they suggesting that you consider a cheese-less meal? It’s a head-scratcher right from the get-go. And then comes the “hammed burger,” but you are about done at this point.

Tight spot

Now, that is awkward. So, you and your ex broke up over a year ago, and you’ve moved on, or at least you thought you had. Life’s cruising along, and then, out of the blue, you get this text from your ex.

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

Just then, you can’t help but wonder, “Why am I still playing chess with her dad?” Did you forget to hit that ‘resign’ button or something? Or maybe her dad is just a chess prodigy, and you can’t resist the challenge. Either way, you’ve been warned!

Verified!

Why on earth are we laughing so hard at this? Instead of some fancy certificate of authenticity, they show you a puffed-up face from bee stings as proof that their honey is legit. It’s like they’re saying, “You want real honey? Look at my face, buddy!” 

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

The bees vouch for it. He’s got their stamp of approval all over his person, which is verification enough. If this doesn’t scream ‘real honey,’ we don’t know what does! On a second note, you have to watch out for those fake honeys in the wild world of sweeteners. Ask for proof!

Brunch time

Look at that; this might be the most threatening message in this whole bunch: “HOW TALL ARE YOU.” You might be thinking, “What’s so crazy about that?” Here’s the kicker: look at the sender’s account name, “Ï eat short people.” 

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

Yep, you read that right! Sure, it’s common to get questions about your height from time to time. But when it comes from an account with a name like this, you might be someone’s dessert, depending on your answer. Or a full-course meal, who knows?! 

Wildin’out

Drizzy Drake meant this by going 0 to 100 real quick. The only difference is this went from 0 to a million really freaking quick! What could you possibly say to a message that says: “You seem chill as f***, what’s your credit card number?” 

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

Hold up, what?! This would have been even creepier if they said it right after gifting you some flowers. For now, they get a pash for that. But, of course, we all know sharing your credit card number is a no-go zone, right?! 

The Office

Do you ever wake up one fine morning, look at the clock, and think, “Nah, not today.” And right way, you tell your boss off in the most candid way possible: “Hey – I’m not coming into work today.” And then, there’s the boss, who responds with a simple “Why?” No drama, no fuss.

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

“I freaking hate this job.” Boom! The truth bomb has been dropped. You couldn’t hold it in any longer. We’ve all been there, too, haven’t we? Luckily for you, Steve Carell is in charge and responds with: “Understandable. Enjoy the rest of your day.” Oh boy, sweet dreams are made of these!

K-pop

In case you don’t know, K-pop bands are all over these days. Many of them are incredibly popular, and some have even taken over Hollywood. This person clearly isn’t up to date and is completely baffled by this, and they say: “Why is K-pop?”

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

Anyways, for the uninitiated souls who find themselves scratching their heads with the same question – well, grab a seat! You see, K-pop is like that surprise party you didn’t know you needed until you were in the middle of it, surrounded by dancing unicorns and confetti cannons.

Bless the King

This right here is a scammer’s Hall of Famer, isn’t it? First of all, you’ve got “Hello, I am the UK government,” which is hilarious. All this scam can do is confuse you and not defraud you. When you get this, here is what you should say in reply:

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

“Do you mean “You are under arrest”? Can’t figure out if you’re trying to scam me or sell me a fitness plan!” But the best part has to be the demand for a £1500 gift card like the UK government is running out of pounds and choosing iTunes gift cards as the new official currency. 

Moonwalk Jail

“Careful, my husband is suspecting us.” Whoa, talk about starting with a bang! And then, our unsuspecting textee comes back with, “Suspecting what? Do I even know you?” Classic response, right? Who’s this person, and what in the world are they talking about?

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

But it doesn’t stop there! At 16:03, we get the plot twist of the century: “I’m her husband; you are now out of my suspects list.” Wait, what?! And then, he got comfortable and slipped up. You had a nice thing going, man. See, this thing of ours is not for everyone.

Trouble!

You’re minding your business, maybe scrolling through some memes or trying to break your Candy Crush high score, when suddenly, *ding*, there it is – the message from the ultimate text detective, your dear mother. And it hits your screen: “Come downstairs, I want to see your phone.” 

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

Panic. Your world goes dim and hot. What could she possibly find? And what stash will get discovered today? Funny enough, she just wanted to justify a point on her video call with your Uncle. Congrats, rookie. You escaped the hook!

Hairdrop

Oh, man, the horrors of Airdrop! It’s like a digital rollercoaster ride that can go from ‘cool’ to ‘whoops’ in the blink of an eye. You forget to flick that button on, and your phone becomes a receiving hub for all unexpected surprises. 

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

Yeah, we get it. Apple’s all about making our lives easier, but they could do better. Who knows, maybe in iPhone 18 or some future magical update, they’ll have an Airdrop setting like “Auto-off after 5 minutes of inactivity” or “Safety lock after sunset” to save us from those unexpected image bombs. 

Next door robots

You see, living next to a robot has its perks. So yeah, go ahead and drill those holes at 10 a.m. without any worries. No baby to wake up, no baby-related obstacles in the way. Their little mechanical buddy isn’t bothered by noise, so you’re good to go.

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

It’s just amusing when you think about it. Instead of dealing with fussy babies, you’ve got a neighbor who’s essentially a noise-resistant machine. So, the concept of having to tiptoe around for the sake of a baby’s naptime doesn’t apply here. Yay!

Bad Moms 4

Oh, this text exchange is just too funny. You know, moms have a way of delivering some of the most unexpected responses, and this one’s a gem. “Mom, what happened to the internet? Why’d it stop?” Now, that’s the kind of question that any parent could find themselves faced with, especially in today’s tech-savvy world. 

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

There are a lot of lost children in this tech-savvy world, none of whom are Sherlock Holmes. That would explain much about the Mom’s response. Clearly, it’s a joke, right? So, next time the Wi-Fi goes down, make sure you keep those fire extinguishers handy.

Andrew!

Here’s this person who may or not be named Andrew, minding their business, and suddenly, they get a text invitation to a potluck. Classic mix-up, right? And Andrew, being the good sport that they are, promptly replies, “Wrong number, buddy.” 

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

It’s the digital equivalent of walking into the wrong room and realizing you’re at the wrong party. But then, the person on the other end is on a chili mission. And in true ‘Braveheart’ fashion, they keep sending that message. Chilli!

Grandpa?!

Oh, this just nailed it! Dealing with grandparents can be like navigating through a comedy show. Imagine you’re living a modern, fast-paced life, and you just missed a call from your grandpa. Suddenly, a text pops up from him, and it simply reads, “Coward.” 

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

So, you’re sitting there, trying to figure out what you did to earn the title of “Coward.” Did you miss his call because you were too scared to pick up the phone? Or maybe he’s calling you out for not visiting him in person. Who knows? But one thing’s for sure: it’s classic grandparent humor.

Say what?!

Pickup lines, right? They rarely work, but occasionally, you come across one that’s so hilariously bad that you can’t help but laugh. Case in point: This gem of a pickup line, “Dam girl. Ru a construction worker cauz ur building.” 

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

Would you look at that? I mean, it’s got it all – the misspellings, the random construction reference, and the attempt at a compliment. It’s like they reached into a bag of pickup lines and pulled out the weirdest one they could find.

Cold Turkey

Woah, this text exchange between these two friends is pure gold. It’s a classic case of “nice guys finish last.” So, you’ve got our villain here, who’s probably been jamming out to some Tame Impala tunes, and she goes, “I wish I had a boyfriend who liked the same music as me.”

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

And we automatically know how this ends, don’t we? By the time it drops, he gets lit up by her response – “See, this is what I mean, I need a you who isn’t you.”- Ouch. That’s like saying, “I need someone who’s you but not you.”

Gorgeous & Handsome

Oh boy! This is what happens when a bisexual hits on your girlfriend. Gorgeous, handsome, what’s the difference anyway? First, the stranger is sliding into the DMs like a slick criminal. That’s right until the boyfriend emerges from the shadows. 

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

Lucky for them, he’s not afraid to drop the “bro” bomb. And even luckier, this stranger fancies both. And what’s their response to a typical “It’s me, her boyfriend” statement? “Hey, handsome, how are you?” Get this man a medal!

Animal Farm

What has this world come to? We knew the animal kingdom had some secrets up its sleeves, but a text from a pig? Now, that’s a plot twist we did not see coming! So, you’re doing your thing, maybe sipping on your morning coffee, and *ding*!

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

You get a text from a pig. And what does it say? “I want to see you; I’m in the barnyard.” I mean, forget about the basement; the barnyard has become the hottest spot for cultural exchange these days. Who knew pigs had such a way with words and spots?

Nuggets

Well, isn’t this a peculiar attempt at flirting? It’s like someone’s trying to combine nuggets, wishes, and hanging out in tummies into one seriously odd pickup line. The real kicker is when they express their desire to become a nugget so they can chill in your tummy. 

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

Woah, take it easy! Do you mean nuggets had such dreams and aspirations?! And then, of course, the recipient’s response is just perfect. It’s like they’ve been hit with the nugget love spell and are trying to snap out of it!

Salt & Fire

Well, we’ve got a classic case of autocorrect gone wild. Look at these pals; it’s all nice and sweet, and one of them drops this gem – a picture of the world’s deadliest weapon – A salt rifle! “Please don’t hurt my family.”

Image credit: Texts With Threatening Auras, Twitter

You may be wondering why it got serious. The smart thing to do was beg. Based on logistics, our dear friend charges back with a “salt rifle.” It’s like he’s ready to wage war on The Family. This thing of ours doesn’t work that way.